All of my life I've felt I was fat. Of course now when I look back at old pictures from high school, I so wasn't. I just wasn't a size 0. Over the past few years I've really not even worried about it. I mean I did but I didn't. I lost most of the weight after I had Logan but I didn't really gain much when I was pregnant with him. Cole was a different story. After I had him, I was my heaviest ever. I never lost that weight and now I just keep adding more to it. Its gotten bad probably over the last year. I'm comfortable & relatively happy so I eat. These past couple months with the holdiays and all I really didn't 'care'.
Now I care. I can't stand how I feel and how I really look. I guess I have this image of me in my head (probably the me from high school) and I think thats just how I look now. Not so much. I really looked in the mirror the other day before I got in the shower and wow. Just wow. I can't believe I've left it get to this point. I don't want to step on the scale but I really should.
A few weeks ago I don't even know what we were watching but a commercial for P90X came on. Ryan was watching it with me and somehow we both just started bringing it up randomly. Then we'd find that one of us would each be on a computer looking up more info on it. I even asked a friend of mine that I knew had done the program and loved it. Ryan really wanted to order it but I was terrified. It was hard. Very hard, not to mention expensive. I couldn't bring myself to order it. How many other programs have I done without success? How much money have I wasted?
Guess what showed up in the mail the other day?? Yeah, he ordered it. Part of me was a little upset just because it is pretty pricey and it wasn't a decision together. After I thought about it though I changed my mind because maybe this is what I need. Ryan doesn't quit...ever. I need him to be obnoxious with me about it, to the point its all he talks about all the time everyday.
Seriously, he gets on these kicks and he just doesn't stop. First there was the aquarium, then the chickens now P90X .
We went and got our supplies for it and did our first disc last night.
OMG. That's really all I can say about it. I really hope this is it for me. I want it bad. I'm tired of feeling and looking this way.
Onto disc 2 tonight and grocery shopping this weekend. I'm sort of nervous but excited at the same time. I can't wait!!!